Finding the You

I always believed one could learn from their associates, whether older or younger; moreover, that this mom doesn’t always know what is best or even possible. Such thoughts remind me that motherhood is a blessing, not a skilled artisan’s vocational specialty…and my learning curve is ever evolving.

So it was with my daughter recently, as she succinctly explained to me how living with a chronic disease is an hour at a time, some good days, some not-so-good days, catch as catch can opportunity and gear- shifting journey.

On some days, Mom, my physical needs and limitations take my complete attention; I’ve learned to work with and around them.  But there are times I can’t get beyond the me… to enjoy or take on outside opportunities is wishful at best.  I pursue… but finding the you can be very hard, Mom…

Individuals with a chronic disease can one day awaken and their joints and legs seem to carry them through the morning. The next day, their hands won’t operate the jars quite as easily as they did the day before.  That is when memory seeps in and reminds them that a treat they enjoyed the day before,  i.e. potatoes or perhaps an extra glass of wine and some dark chocolate,  tasted absolutely wonderful going down!  Now, the repercussions from a honed awareness present themselves – one action does indeed produce a direct response; often, a discomfort.

(Shifting,  always shifting…will have to broaden my water intake and some juice from seemingly harmless fruits;  today’s plan is to consume a bit extra absolutely healthy stuff today – no cheating – to get back on track and greet the evening with less pain… )

Such is the expended mental and physical efforts of maintaining.  Some days, the sparkplugs are sputtering and the brain isn’t turning on quite as fast as the body and vice-versa.  I am reminded of the bio-rhythm theories that I studied years ago; and I wonder if my daughter’s personal voyage isn’t scientific proof enough that bio-rhythms are very real indeed.

The delights and life’s surrounding “take-for-granteds” present themselves:  French fries, watching a movie, shopping until we drop, a day at the park with the kids, folding clean laundry, cooking a fresh piece of salmon and garnishing it with a bit of chopped dill, opening one’s mail or completing the lesson plan for the next three weeks for her home-schooled son…all tasks will exact a modicum of presumed health and mental acuity. This is no automatic process.  Her time is engulfed in an on-going, must keep moving mentality, with little room left for the messages that occasionally filter in between the probiotics, the baby’s nap time,  and the freshly made green lemonade.

A friend’s baby has arrived – Yay!  A bit of excitement and momentary joy for a good friend who has safely delivered; newborns are indeed a gift from God!

Perhaps I’ll cook some soup and take it over in a couple of days; once the rain stops, I’ll have to see how my day goes.

The heart’s wants are momentarily interrupting the body’s attention-getting messages.

Yes, I really do know you exist; I share your happiness and your dreams; I embrace your desires, your love for the arts!  I am blessed to call you my friend.

In God’s time and with sunshine to accompany her, she’ll find the you between her days’ respites.  She’ll leave the me behind – just for a bit – to enter into life’s other plane, one laden with normal assumptions and pain free, momentary pleasures…